Celebrating My 32 Year Career as a Mother.

Celebrating My 32 Year Career as a Mother.

I have to admit I LOVE Mother’s Day. 

I’m not quite sure why as my hubby is really shitty at special days and yet he’s great on the day to day stuff. 

I am in a different time zone than all my kids so it will be delayed greetings for me.

They may have actual forgotten a few Mother’s Days over the years. 

My first number of Mother’s Days were spent eating Tim Horton’s Black Forest Cake for “my treat” when my favorite is Carrot Cake. 

I love the day. I loved their poems as kids. I love their texts. Their jokes. 

Most of all, I love seeing all the mamas get the recognition they deserve for the day to day grind.

Mothering has been of my favorite, most rewarding, challenging, exasperating, tongue biting, hair pulling, loving, anxious, depressive, joyful titles I have owned. Mother has translated to MOM, MAMA, MOMMY, MUDDER – depending on their need of me.

My babies, humans, adults, offspring have called me many versions of the title over the years – I think they may have called me some not so pretty versions as well. OH yeah, they thought I couldn’t  read minds! 

From the time I was twelve and I started to babysit I knew I wanted this career path. I felt it was my calling, my purpose. I wanted to raise some little alien looking creatures into responsible, kind, human beings.

There may have been a little romanticizing the role back then. 

Visions of three happy babies, who smelled good, smiled a lot, slept on demand, had matching outfits, and laughed for strangers. I would have glowing preganacies with boundless energy, short labors and I would push like a trooper.

Reality: I had issues getting pregnant and needed help with both sons. Labors were 26 and 14 hrs long each and I took the drugs.

Then we said – “ENOUGH – let’s stop at 2…. they cost a lot, they are healthy, we can give them a good life”. 

Hubby decided he would “get fixed.” However before he could get in for that appointment. Life said, “SURPRISE – you are pregnant!”

AND To throw a curve ball at your little “life picture” this one is to be a GIRL and she will be born with Spina Bifida. Buckle UP MotherF…..

From day one, my babies were little independent demons, oops I meant personalities. I believe mine may have come with a secret agenda to see how far they could push me, how incredibly cranky and crazy they could make me and how deep the red in my cheeks could actually go. If you are reading this kids – you did NOT win – just for the record. 

BTW – My two sons are – 31 and 29 – they are a brown hair and blonde hair version of their dad complete with facial hair. My daughter is 27, who is a younger version of me… how did that happen?

They all have my amazing sense of humor (just ask me!). Some would say we have a sick sense of humor – we think, it is rather healthy. 

The boys have their father’s objective, left brain thinking vs my more intuitive right brain living. Our daughter is a combo of all of us. She is a human rolodex, she even rolls (LOL – get it? wheelchair humor). She can remember facts about people she met years ago and will wheel across any room to make someone feel special.

All three have my husband’s spontaneous smile and ability to make people closest to them feel like they are their world. 

They all have our kind and generous hearts, they have a strong sense of themselves, they are independent and very much living life by their rules. 

They are compassionate, empathetic people.

I am so proud of the human BEINGS they all are. 

In case you think I am tooting my horn, trust me I have had some NOT so great mothering moments…

Son – 6 yrs old – “MOM KICKED THE WALL IN! MOM KICKED THE WALL IN! I AM TELLING DAD. YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE” 

My inner voice – “I don’t give a f#*@, I wanted to kick you & I showed control”.

They love to bring up “my temper” at family get togethers.

 

Psychologist – “Do you know why you are here?”

Son – 8 yrs old – “The witch made me come.”

My inner voice – “Well so much for that lovely, normal, happy family picture I just painted for the doc.”

 

Cop – “Excuse me mame, do you realize you almost drove through a road block?”

Me – “Sorry officer my kids were fighting and I turned to scream at them.”

Cop putting her head through my window – “Kids behave for your mom.”

Kids when we got to the soccer field – “My Mom almost ran a police woman over!”

 

I have dropped a few F-bombs in their presence, OK maybe at their backs, I let them eat raw cookie dough, maybe gave them a little benadryl to help them get to sleep one Christmas eve so I could play Santa (justification – their dad was away working, my neighbors had the gifts & I was BLOODY exhausted), I have walked into their rooms without knocking & I regretted it, I did not kiss them good night every night when they were teenagers, on purpose (I swear they grew fangs), I let them walk in the rain, snow & sleet to catch the bus, see their friends or run to the neighbors. I said “NO” (a lot) followed by the occasional “because I said so”.

Many days I hated to walk out of my bedroom. Especially when I could hear them bickering and my hubby was away (he worked a 3 week rotation). Those days I would look in the mirror and say to myself “they did not ask to be born, you willingly brought them into this world, get your ass out there and do your job”.

One thing I could never tolerate was them lying to me. So I would say to them, ‘if I ask the question you are to tell me the truth and I won’t get mad. If I ask – I can handle the truth”. Many times I asked and walked away after hearing the answer just to process it all. SOMETIMES I may have got upset…. I also learned to trust that little voice that said, “Do you really need to know the answer?” 

I have to say I think I was and continue to be a damn good mom. It is the one area in my life that I will take FULL on credit for my hard work. People have said to me “you are so lucky your kids have done well.” I am not sure I like the word LUCKY in this situation. There was blood, sweat, varicose veins, early mornings, stretch marks, no sick leave, low pay, 24/7 work weeks, and a shitload of tears trying to stay one step ahead of the them through out the years. 

There was no 3 weeks vacation five years in, no special dinner 10 or 20 years in, there was no retirement party when they moved out. 

HOWEVER I have fulfilled my responsibility of raising responsible, loving, kind people. WOOHOO & for that I celebrate ME.

My “mothering” days are officially over.

Retirement gifts are happily being accepted. 🤗

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Lori

I'm Lori Fougere. I am a “deadly ass soul” (not my words) on a journey of self nourishment. At my core I am a kind, loving, human being who sees the good in our world, in people & in my life. My journey is about stepping outside the safe zone, as if often hinders the way I see and live my life. Join me as a I explore my new life in Papua New Guinea.

7 Comments

  1. Tracey Haley on May 12, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    Lori
    Love your blog about motherhood. Makes me wish I was one of your kids. Very eloquently said.

    • Lori on May 17, 2018 at 2:53 am

      Thank you Tracey. We only get them once right? Make the best and most of the time.

  2. Yvonne Dillon on May 17, 2018 at 11:20 am

    Love your blogs Lori. I saw first hand what a wonderful mother you were when you taught sewing lessons to small children on top of this mothering career. Not to mention the patience you showed to them also.

    • Lori on May 17, 2018 at 11:48 pm

      Thank you Yvonne. So fortunate to have had so many fabulous students. I loved those days….

  3. Karen Bennett on May 17, 2018 at 11:48 am

    So many days I have wondered if I have put enough away for therapy for them because I am their mother and my house is not what I imagined ti would be. And then I read this and think Im on track , and all is well, Thank you for for keeping it real

  4. Patti on May 17, 2018 at 11:59 am

    They worship you. Maybe it’s Stockholm Syndrome . Just kiddin’. I can vouch for you on the finished product – awesome human beings you and Blair have created. Whether you get the gold watch or not, I’m sure you’ll be coming out of retirement whenever needed.

  5. Elle B on May 17, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    Bahaha! Love it, Thanks for sharing!

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