The Reality of My New Life

A couple of months ago when I was caught in the excitement and the “doing” of our move to Papua New Guinea, I had envisioned what life could be like here.

I imagined being very independent as I always have been. In my mind I was going out taking pictures, writing about my experiences, and being full of energy and very gutsy in my big adventures. I knew at that stage, that life would be very different here in PNG, I just didn’t have any idea how different it would be. Over the next few blog posts I will share some of the adjustments I have faced.

Freedoms as I knew them would disappear – no longer able to jump in my van and drive wherever I wanted. Compound life consists of guards, gates and small space living {not to mention living with my hubby E V E R Y day – LOL.}

No matter how ready I felt I was for this new life, no amount of expectations could prepare me for the reality of it. Someone asked me recently if I had sugar coated what it would be like. I am not that kind of person, I just didn’t know. There are some realities one is not prepared for.

The heat.

I truly could not imagine the heat before experiencing it. There are days I cannot do any thing. Holding a book open to read is exhausting. I just sit and sweat. Yes, we have air conditioning and it is at 25 degrees inside with the AC. If it was any lower too much moisture forms and we have issues with mildew. Plus our windows would constantly be filled with condensation – on the outside. I feel like I have been in denial about it & have resisted structuring my day around the heat. And here I say it “This heat is EXHAUSTING”.

The time difference.

I had experienced it with my husband, I thought I could handle it because we made it work. What I missed was that I had many, many people I wanted to stay connected to, with him it was just one.

Not having the ability to text, call, FaceTime or see someone spontaneously or whenever I wanted was, & some days now, is heart wrenching.

The first three weeks left me in tears more times than I can count. The afternoons when everyone back in my world was sleeping I would lay in my bed and cry. The aloneness was suffocating, I wasn’t use to it. My hubby didn’t know what to do. Where had his happy wife gone? He would ask, “what did I do?” and be miserable because I was so sad.

I knew I would miss a lot of people, I especially miss my mom & dad. Just typing that makes me cry. My mom is deaf except for 20% in one ear (there is no nice way of saying that reality). She would call me when her day was quiet and she could hear part of our conversation. Now she doesn’t because I am sleeping and it is so costly for them that I Skype call her & my dad. Sometimes when I was caught up in my life I would rush through the calls and now I would do anything to pick up the phone to hear “Hello Lori, it is Mom”. Like I wouldn’t know her voice.

One of the quotes my daughter and I used through difficult times was, “This too shall pass”. I say that to myself every day. Leaving her was gut wrenching and I continue to miss her & my sons every day. As her mother/caregiver/advocator,  I have had to make many life altering decisions for her. This one was made for both of us. In the process of deciding to support my husband in his new role here, I was leaving a very valuable role in my daughter’s life. I realized I needed to step aside and let go.

I have always believed I was responsible for giving my children their wings, not in flying for them. I struggled to see that with her. I wanted to keep her in the cocoon and only allow so much growth. I realized I needed to step away for her to truly fly. What she has done in six weeks leaves me in awe. She gives me strength every day to be here. And thank goodness for technology as I can see her daily.

Onward.

 

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Lori

I'm Lori Fougere. I am a “deadly ass soul” (not my words) on a journey of self nourishment. At my core I am a kind, loving, human being who sees the good in our world, in people & in my life. My journey is about stepping outside the safe zone, as if often hinders the way I see and live my life. Join me as a I explore my new life in Papua New Guinea.

17 Comments

  1. Hayley Burke, Germany on May 30, 2017 at 9:10 am

    I love this blog Lori. So truly you, truly inspiring, open and honest – YOU
    I am so happy to be able to come on your journey with you, you awesome lady you.

    • Lori on May 31, 2017 at 12:58 am

      No Hayley – you are more awesome ;)
      Thank you babe.

  2. Marilyn purdy on May 30, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    Hi Lorie: I’m crying in every word you are saying . You are such a wonderful , strong person for doing what you are doing. xoxo

  3. Jeff Doyle on June 1, 2017 at 11:21 am

    Great job Lori. Very honest, sincere and beautifully written. Keep writing this is a real talent.

    • Lori on June 2, 2017 at 6:35 am

      Thank you Jeff. Your words mean a lot to me. You know how much I admire you. MWAH

  4. Elle on June 1, 2017 at 1:09 pm

    Reading this brings back some of the feelings I had when we arrived in Canada so I can relate to some of what you are feeling! I hope that you find (as I did) that writing and sharing really helps, its a great way to connect and stay in touch and people love to hear about you, what you are doing and how you are feeling. Eleven years later I still cry some days when I think of all we left behind but the adventure has been (and continues to be) quite a ride.

    • Lori on June 2, 2017 at 6:34 am

      Thank you Elle. It is all about the ride isn’t it?

  5. Tracey Haley on June 2, 2017 at 11:36 am

    Hi Lori
    Totally enjoyed your post!!! Ever consider writing a book? Hope I can make it to PNG while your there.
    Tracey

    • Lori on June 2, 2017 at 10:05 pm

      Thank you Tracey. Are you planning to come to PNG? Please message me and let me know. That would be awesome. And yes I have considered it as I love to write and this place definitely has the atmosphere and energy to do it.

  6. Kathy on June 2, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    Hi Lori,

    I just wanted to say that I love your blog. You are truly inspiring and have so much strength for what you are doing. HUGS

    • Lori on June 2, 2017 at 10:04 pm

      Thank you so much. I am glad you enjoyed it. :)

  7. Lysa on June 4, 2017 at 2:54 am

    Raw and beautiful. Thank you.

    • Lori on June 4, 2017 at 7:48 am

      Lisa Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed.

  8. Kassie B on June 4, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    You are so wonderful with your words, Auntie. I admire your courage and resilience.
    Please keep these posts coming.
    XO

    • Lori on June 5, 2017 at 4:54 am

      Thank you Sweetie.

  9. Rosemarie on September 4, 2017 at 11:45 am

    Love your blogs !
    I believe that you made a great decision to take time in PNG for you & Blair.
    Enjoy your new life everyday as it’s a short term adventure.
    It too shall pass !
    &. you will bring back so many life changing experiences as you forge ahead to new beginnings in a few years .

    I understand that suffocating feeling but
    for me “Not Everything Will Pass !
    One day at a time !

    • Lori on September 5, 2017 at 6:26 am

      Thank you for your comments Rose. Life is precious. We only have the moment we are in, as the next can change forever, as you know. You are correct Not everything will pass – or it does and yet not without pain and scars. Think of you so often.

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